Orlando...

...Swooon...........

I loved the incoherent madness, the endless battles, the lame humour and ridiculous characters of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I loved it that it went on and on and that I got so confused from the minute it started that it just forced me sit back, chill out and take it for what it was.

Pure entertainment.

No thinking, no expectations...just alot of pirate accent decoding and of course, plenty of...swooning.

Nice jacket Will...

Of Dharma and Reborn Rugby Players

An interesting point was brought up by His Eminence Tsem Tsulku Rinpoche, a Lama who spreads Dharma teachings. I have never been to any of his talks at Kechara House, but have seen him in person when he came to bless Camp5 on their first anniversary. I recently chanced upon his website and managed to listen to snippets of his many talks.

One thing UTube is great for is not only spreading the pubescent legs of pornography but also the word of religion - though technically Buddhism in all its forms, including Dharma, is not a religion (as there is no God as such) but rather a matter of your mind and soul attaining enlightenment.

I am always rather sceptical about religion or any teachings. Whether copied off the pages a school book or rolled off the tongue of a theologian, I can't help but to question its authenticity and validity, even if it comes from the mouth of a man dressed in an orange robe. Whilst my mind, soul and spirit are collectively trying to wrap themselves around the religions of the world, I do neverthelesss believe that religious teachings do purport many truths that we would all be better off knowing.

Tsem Tulku Rinpoche is not your regular lama in an orange robe. Have a look at some of his downloadable talks and you will see that in a parallel life, he would also do well as a stand up comedian. He is funny and had me laughing out loud doing one of his many impressions, but he is also serious about getting his point across. I mean no disrespect in what he is saying. I take it and I look at it in my life, and I look at it in the lives around me. My spiritual awakening comes late and my outlook is naive.

One of the many things he said stuck in my mind and shot off questions marks in my head like a universe alight with comets.

I hope I am not quoting out of context as some of the talks are viewable from start to finish so I may have missed a big qualifier somewhere. He said that we ought not to spend our time acquiring material skills in this lifetime, because when we die, so too do those skills. Like being able to knit or couturing (is there such a word), or painting or sculpting or whatever. They die with us and when we are reborn we begin clueless and have to start all over again.

He said that we ought to invest out time and efforts in is acquiring skills of expanding the subtle mind - as opposed to the gross mind. In developing our subtle mind - the one that we carry with us from body to body, from life to lfe, we build a layering of knowledge (I am using my own words here) and when we are born in to our next lives, we already have those skills inherent in us - a mind more open to developing the conscious - and I suppose with each life, we also build on that consciousness and eventually we find ourselves, or rather our subtle minds, etching our way to nirvana.

He added that we are closing our minds by investing in material things of pleasure - like gambling, sex, money, fun - in a way, running away from the unhappiness in our lives and filling it with external stimulators. I thought he had a point.

I pondered if I had done so with my life. I am certainly guilty of getting mindlessly drunk after the breakup to run away from the impending doom I felt my life was descending into. Who hasn't is lying. I wondered if I use climbing as a diversion. Well, I had always maintained that climbing is a mode of escapism for me. No doubt. During a trying time, it brought me sanity, calm as well as a lot of pleasurable physical pain!

But there is doubt in my mind. And all through rock climbing yesterday, I pondered further.

There, I top roped a killer red route on the overhang lead wall. I did not get to the anchor and I stopped about fifty times on the way up, but I did feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction. After that, I did something I have not done in an age - I mamaked till midnight and smoked three Dunhill Lights!

And under the neon glow of Ming Tien, I concluded my response to Tsem Tulku Rinpoche's proposition. Yes, perhaps he is right that we delve into pleasure to escape the unhappiness that lurks within. If I may elaborate further, perhaps it is also true that the feats that we achieve in these pleasures - the things that make us feel good - ie. downing the fifth beer, reaching the anchor of a multi pitch, making a cheongsam from scratch or sleeping with a supermodel - may give us a sense of achievemet, that feel-good is also temporary and does nothing for us when we are departed and our soul emptied of memory.

All true. Or maybe not? Wait a minute. What of people who can only express themselves through skill. Say art? Take Jean-Baptiste Grenouille of Patrick Suskind's Perfume for example, I know he is fictional but what if he was deprived of his only form of expression? Could a being with so much passion and love for beauty and perfection not leave this life and enter another with no imprint on his soul? Or Degas, Bach and Shakespeare perhaps reborn as rugby players remain just that or will their pursuit of beauty not have had any impact on their subtle minds? Will there be no lessons imparted nor imprinted, not in their brains but in their soul? And if not, who says?

Well, actually a lama reborn several times, may be the best person to know....

That I wonder. And I continue to wonder...this dialogue does not end here.

HELLO??!!

How many blogs on the net today are going to be talking about this disaster?

Bouldering (what not to do)

These were taken one warm sunny evening in Shah Alam. I love this picture...JUST USE THE LADDER!











I'm petrified. I do not want to slip and scrape my face against the rock and me forever known as Scarface.












Flex, Mount & Conquer!

(what happened to gaya, mutu & keunggulan?)

Make that a vodka tonic...

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!!!"

Sweaty Hot Pants and Little Big Boys

I was sent an email of David Becks in the nod today. Assuming its real, I'm not impressed, way too much skin in the way of the goods...

Anyway, in an unrelated story, I may have to invest in a pair of hot pants, print my company logo on the touche and get them all hot and sweaty. The pants that is. As part of our Save the Environment efforts, my company is taking part in the WWF Expedition Challange 2007. Yours truly signed up of course thinking it would make a good substitute to the Amazing Race that never was, but subsequently discovered that laps across the lake and uphill sprints may be involved in full view of gasp...onlookers! Forget stamina, my body is so not ready to be laid eyes on right now!

Anyway, training (TRAINING?!) starts tommorrow at would you believe, 730AM! And that I had to fight for - it was originally 7am! Wish me luck, save the seahorses.

Upstairs at work, the boys on the top floor are playing their little games. Power suits, Zegna shoes and I'm bigger and better than you 'strategies'. They may have silver hair and just as silver BMWs, but they're still back in that playground comparing penis sizes. Meanwhile, I continue to churn out PR fluff.

Have a good weekend folks. Look out for The Edge tommorrow!

E-yes!

Whoever created E Entertainment ought to be given a knighthood in every country the channel is aired.

Yes, yes I know, I really shouldn't be suporting any form of media that encourages the business of the paparazzi. They are a despicable lot but, honestly, aren't these pretty, shiny people just so hard to resist?

The last few nights have been filled with such pleasure. With ZW tucked into bed, I'm snuggling up to a bowl of low fat vanilla ice cream doused with Milo and learning all about Jennifer Aniston Britney Spears, Halle Berry and the like. Last night, I had to turn it off at the Olsen twins - enough is enough.

I wonder what is on tonight...Starworld? What's that?

Recess

Oh how I love the great outdoors.

Before we learned to dress ourselves, before we learned about decking ourselves, before we had technology do it all for us, we had our bodies and our minds and we worked them.

Why do I love climbing so much? It reminds me how to use my brain and my body. It takes me out of 2007 and brings me back to cave days where I had to use my arms and legs and my brain to plot my next move. And with the wrong step, I could die.

Yes, yes, of course there are all sorts of safety catches like ropes and harnesses and carabiners to make sure that doesn't happend, but you know, you get the idea.

I have said this before and I will say it again. I cannot live from one weekend to the other in some shopping mall, in some fancy restaurant, at some cushy little get-together. I cannot do coffees. I will stifle, I will stagnate, I will go mental.

I need to see the sky, I need to smell nature, touch the grit of soil. Be it ski, climb or sea, I just need to be reminded of where I stand in the big, big picture. And I think that if everyone did a bit of outside time in their lives, we would find ourselves alot humbler and happier.

Yesterday, after climbing at the gym, the F8 climbers ventured out to the skateboard park in Shah Alam. They've got some cool boulders and some excellent wall routes there too. When we arrived, we were like little children running around, wanting to try everything at once. The sky was blue, the clouds were amazing, the 'rocks' warm and the setting sun an excellent backdrop for cool rock climbing photography silhouttes. We attempted routes that were far too hard for us, clambering up with no technique, let alone style, stepping on loose holds and swinging out 20 feet in the air. Oh it was fun, it really was refreshing. I think this is something everyone needs to do once in a while - and that is, to PLAY!

Life Purpose

I knew a long time ago that my life's purpose was to experience everything under the sun. I remember sitting by my window late into the night as Casey Kasem played the 80s and just knowing that life was there to be experienced. And at that point I remember wishing for God to throw me everything he had - good or bad - as long as on my deathbed, I was able to rest knowing, first hand, what things felt like.

At that time, I was about 12 or 13 and the soap opera, Dynasty, was all the rage. I remember wanting to be like Alexis Colby - the bitch with the long list of surnames, because to me, she was someone who had it all - not just the luxuries, but someone who had the power of knowledge. And just like her character, I wanted to live life with all its ups and downs, all its highs and lows. I wanted to know.

And I guess, now, many people may look at my life and think that I have worked myself into a corner. After all, there are not many exit plans for women in their thirties who are divorced with a kid. Who would want her now? Some people look at me with pity - the girl who had so much promise, who ended up in a dead end. It does seem archaic but trust me, KL minds are filled with limited ideals and in reality, I am viewed by the population of prospective mother in laws and bird-brained Asian men as spoiled goods.

But thankfully, I don't think so. Well, I can't because I simply cannot conform to ideals based on what's on the outside. I may be heavier, less pretty and a lot less fashionable now, but I am also alot more mature, grounded and aware than I have ever been. Seen on the inside, I have so much more to say, so much more to contribute and am so much more than before.

I am grateful that I experienced a horrible time in the past. Grateful that I have done the breakups, the cheating boyfriends, the bad marriage, the divorce, the being poor and desperate, the whole out of control thing. They are by no means over, I am sure there is more to come in all forms and fancies, but I welcome them with open arms.

Because not only do I learn from them invaluable lessons, I also know that there are just as many highs to look forward to. And I have had the privelige of loving and being loved, of having choices, of experiencing the beauty of nature, of immense freedom, of priveliged luxury, of intense happiness and above all, of knowing.

And if God came to me today and asked me what I wanted, after the svelte body, the huge bank account, the God-like boyfriend and the roomful of beautiful children, I would still ask for him to throw me whatever he had - hopefully more good than bad, but still the good and the bad.

Overdose

Is it age or beauty? I think for me its beauty. I don't mind growing old as long as I am forever beautiful.

Yesterday I went a bit crazy at the pharmacist. My Mum introduced me to Millenium Pharmacy in Taman Mega that gives really good discounts on vitamins, sometimes as much as 25% off the prices marked in places like Guardian. Using that as a licence to splurge, I did.

I am on calcium, vitamin C, red clover blossoms, spirulina and vitamin E supplements in addition to a new Multivite with added B complex as well as Dermareen, an Imedeen-type supplement. Did I mention I like doing things in extreme?

This morning at 4am, I woke up with pains of burning indigestion in the back of my throat. I had swallowed 6 pills before going to sleep and my body was evidently screaming in rebellion. This was a mere 5 hours after I swallowed a previous 8. And let me add that these pills are not small - the Multivite looks like a large black beetle on steroids.

The whole idea is to space out the vitamins for enhanced absorption. I am due for 8 this morning but just can't seem to stomach it - the indigestion is still screaming its way further down my esophagus.

I mean, how nerdy can you get? OD-ing on vits...

For the last time, I'm fine.

Really, I am.

I did think long and hard about blogging about this, but then again, there really isn't anything to hide. Yes, its not always in good taste to comment about past relationships and air dirty laundry, but then again, that's not what I'm doing at all.

ExH remarried last weekend. Yes, it is a little awkward, I must admit. Especially so soon. A little like having an out of body experience because, well, he has only been married once before and that was to me, so it does take a little getting used to. But to those of you who look at me questioningly when the topic is raised or try to find surpressed sorrow beneath my smiles, there really isn't anything there, I assure you. And the more you look, the more it makes me question myself that perhaps there ought to be, which tends to make me look more guilty, when really, I am fine! Really, really, really!

I cannot say I wish them unwell, nor do I wish them well either. I really have no take on the issue - and don't read into that comment as if I've subconsciously numbed myself to reality because I haven't. I am the most un-numb I have been in a loooong time. And that's for you to believe or not, because it really doesn't bother me.

I only wish them luck, for I know every marriage needs a bit of that.

My only negative concerns in my life right now are my weight (as usual) and strangely enough, my climbing (that seems to have lost a bit of its fierceness lately). Yes, it's that trivial - my last post will certainly corroborate this. Actually, there is one more thing -but that one relates to a relationship with someone very close to my heart - someone from another life altogether whom I am sure will be the subject of another post to come.

So really, when it comes to this wedding, I am fine. My ex-mother in law has asked me out to tea this weekend to 'chat'. I really would rather not go. I don't see why I need to subject myelf to an hour of explanations. I really don't need them. It's in the past and nothing she can possibly say will make any difference. I have healed and rebuilt foundations by myself, with the help of my inner circle, and that's all done.

So, please don't question the point of this post. No, it's not to convince myself that I am fine either. It's to just say, please stop looking at me like that. And that's the final say on that matter. Let's move on! Next!