Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Tagged 2

For those of you without iPods - sorry, I mean MP3 players (cheeky!) - this is a fun alternative. Beware! It can be pretty er... deep, if you know what I mean. I stole this of Starlight's Blog, who after a month of self-imposed exile in an ashram in the Himalayas, has retured enlightened and tagged!

I AM The Great Pretender.

I JUST NOW ate my packed lunch at 9.30am and am wondering where my next meal is coming from.

I SAID too much and not enough.

I WANT happiness and a luscious home in the Hollywood Hills.

I WISH for happiness and a luscious home in the Hollywood Hills.

I HATE durians, fish heads, snakes, swans, eels, catfish, snakehead fish and people who lie.

I MISS the carefree years.

I FEAR being 40, not having another child and never being slim again.

I HEAR there's a cure for every fear.

I WONDER what will happen if I use my lavendar marinade on chicken instead of lamb.

I REGRET nothing.

I AM NOT as great a writer/cook as I think I am.

I SING loudly and badly at karaokes to the misfortune of my friends which is why they haven't conceeded to my pleadings to go lately

I CRY hardly ever now except for last night when I sobbed uncontrollably to The Family Stone - what a brill movie.

I AM NOT ALWAYS as uptight. There are times when I am chilled. Usually that's when I'm drunk or someone else is entertaining.

I MADE it to the top of the pink route yesterday (even though I cheated on one step).

I WRITE best when I am in mid-tragedy.

I CONFUSE easily with numbers. Not very clever in that department.

I NEED to get off my big fat arse and live.

I SHOULD save more and spend less. Think more practically and less frou frou. Make plans instead of daydream. Want instead of wish.

I START to really miss my son when he's not with me and rock climbing if I don't do it at least twice a week.

I FINISH too many cigarettes on a night out.

Monday, May 29, 2006


Considering we showcase our skyscrapers off to the world and promote our city as a shopping destination, Kuala Lumpur is essentially, a self-glorified kampung. Of course, it's cooler to let on to your mat salleh friends that we have a higher flagpost than they do, as well as the largest indoor rock climbing gym in Asia. Despite our Big Apple aspirations, in reality however, we are a backwater town that somehow made it big.

KL is a city where the seven degrees of separation theory gets flushed down the drain. That's just DTA bull. In KL, within two degrees (or lesser in many cases), you are likely to have already hit an ex-crush or ex-husband or ex-whatever. For me, I discovered that the hottie that my friend and I were checking out in a club turned out to be the fat little boy I was too 'cool' to acknowledge in my early teens.

I find that the kampungness of KL is magnified in the context of romantic liaisons. Who hasn't experienced, in some variation or other, the ex who went on to date the one that was dumped by your current one who turned out to be the one who you kissed on the dance floor when you were thirteen who was the one that married the one that you dumped? Complicated? Can be. Too close for comfort? You don't say. I wouldn't be surprised that we are all related to each under a perverse family tree that morally and legally, teeters on the edge of acceptable boundaries.

It is a town in which it world serve your best interests to conduct some form of detailed research on a potential snog/shag/boyf/girlf/business partner before any part of your body (or in the case of business partner, wallet) starts grooving to their vibe. Unless you already know him/her, full biodatas including what his/her parents do/did for a living, his/her car ownership history, wealth in bank and complete list of exes including one night stands or just snogs are easily available from friends. It is a town of small social circles, all within the subsets of each other, so basically, if you have run yourself up a bad rep as a player or once upon a time had the misfortune of passing on a particular nasty STD, you can jolly well run, but you can't hide. Even if you run to the outer rings of KL, such as Perth or London, you can still be easily traced.

I recently discovered that an ex-fling is dating a girl who dated another ex fling, who also dated an ex secret admirer who's sister I had lunch with last week. Our potential conversations in my mind are not only hilarious and dangerously revealing, but also causes me to feel as if I have known her all my life.

I suppose its just one of those things that makes KL as wonderful as it is. Who would want to love in a city of strangers? Where you could date a serial killer without knowing it or worse, sleep with someone who could well be your half brother or sister and never know it.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Miss Boring

Nothing to report. Seriously not done anything this week.

No climbing cos have been over-ambitious and sprained my ankle trying to climb like a pro and therefore cannot perform any sporty activity.

No partying cos nobody asked me out. No significant person(s) has(ve) called.

No shopping cos a) have no money and b) ZW has been completely under the weather with a lung infection and I have been playing nurse (and what a bad one I am).

No gossip cos all my friends have a life/love interest and are bored calling me cos I don't.

No interesting meals cooked cos have been PMSing and indulging in super unhealthy fast-food junk instead.

The highlight of my week, if you can call it that, is that I downloaded loads of American Idol final songs on to I Tunes only to realise that I can't transfer them to my iPod cos my computer is f**ked. Oh yes, and watching XMen, which was about as fun as the week got.

It's Saturday and if the day is anything to go by, I shall be in bed by 9pm.

Have a good weekend y'all.

Monday, May 22, 2006

The Ups And Downs of A Long-Term Relationship

When you are committed to each other, it's a given that you are in for a life of compromises. You may not like the way by which the other operates and they of you. But still, you persevere 'cos you are in it for the long haul.

Such relationships can be emotional roller coasters - pleasure followed by doldrums, shock, horror, happiness, pain.

I have been in this relationship for 10 years now and it has been trying at times. I am referring, of course, to my long term partner in pain and trustee of my fortune - Maybank.

We've been through alot together since I first opened my savings account when I got my first job back in er...1996 (don't calculate, just accept). I knew from the moment I took my first number ticket that read "589" that it was the beginning of a relationship wrought with disappointments.

Yes, there were times when it was hard - especially the time one Monday morning two years ago when I received a called from an officer informing me that my account was overdrawn. Actually, she did not inform, she yelled and like a furious mother-in-law, summoned me to top it up by noon before she slapped on any finance charges. And still I took it, despite it being the first time my account had ever been overdrawn. I refused to leave Maybank... simply because it saves me from having to cross the street to reach its black and yellow offspring ATMS - they really are all over the place - and because I derive great satisfaction from the words "KLCC branch" printed on my cheques.

But there have been good times too. The first time ever being just last week actually when a cheque I banked in was rejected because it left out my Chinese name. The lovely officer over at the Sri Hartamas branch banked it in for me when it arrived back from the clearing house, saving me a trip. See, their strategy is well thought out - treat your customers mean so when you actually do your job - not well mind you, but the act of doing it catches them by so much surprise that praises can't help but gush forth.

So just when I finally found happiness, I was quick to be robbed of it. Today, I logged online to see if my RM1000 cheque had gone through only to discover, to my shock, that my current account reflects a balance of RM-0.71! Typo error? Surely it cannot be!

I tell you - my emotions are just being toyed with for fun! How much more of this can I take before I take my fortune next door?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Reliving The Past

Long weekends are always filled with such apprehension don't you think? All that pressure to do something special just because we have a whole extra day free. I spent the run up to Wesak Day surfing for last minute deals and getting stressed out that everything was fully booked. I think I got it from my Dad who itches all year long for any excuse to set off for a good time. I was doomed to a miserable weekend as friends boarded flights for long weekends in Phuket and I was summoned for a brain storming meeting on a public holiday.

All was not lost though. Strangely enough, this weekend, I found myself on a little trip myself - down memory lane and I ended up having a whale of a time. Swashbuckling light-saber encounters, a forgotten black book and a bit of frou frou can do wonders in lifting a run-of-the-mill weekend out of the present and into the past.

It started off on Friday night, which was wild as I stayed up till 3am rekindling my crush on Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi. I remembered watching it for the first time on the carpeted floor of the RSGC Main Lounge as lust-struck teenagers fondled each other in dark corners. Obviously I was not one of them because I remembered the movie well. I whooped when the Emperor fell to his death and kind of imploded into a blue flame and cheered alongside the Ewoks when the Battleship Planet (or whatever it's called) exploded in space. Would you believe it I actually teared when Darth Vader removed his dreaded mask, marking the end of an era and revealing to the world, his lovely hunky Hayden Cristensen face, whitened by years behind the persona of Darth Vader (and lots of compact powder) and welcoming a new epoch of light, democracy and hope. It was a momentous moment for me, sitting in my room, in my terrace house, in Kuala Lumpur.

On Saturday, Bee and I met up with Fishball, a blast from the past - a mate we used to party and wakeboard with before thirty-somethingdom and its accompanying "too much work, too many responsibilities" excuses separated us. Fishball is a hoot and hasn't changed except that he's skinnier now. He was just as drunk and as fearless as before and being driven around the sweaty, party-going streets of KL by him whilst under the influence of alcohol was a mad but strangely nostalgic thing to do. Not to mention, rather fun (in a roller coaster sort of way).

After short stints at Frangi and Chynna, we ventured into the land of Frou Frou in the form of a Barbarran night held at Bond. Apparently Barbarran night means 80s music which is news to me because I was way too wasted back in those days to realise what was playing. Bond was like a meat market, packed with the obligatory skinny young things but refreshing also, with the presence of old meat, like me and Bee for example. It was a relief to see so many old friends (old as in I have known them for so long) and just chilling comfortably by the bar was strangely relaxing (how I achieved this at a club so crowded sardines would have complained, I don't know). A far cry from the real Barbarran days where there was always an overwhelming pressure to "work the crowd". Bee and I flicked our rebonded hair, drank lots of vodka and flirted with lots of men and they weren't all younger than us! Hahaha!

Hungover and seriously deprived of sleep the next day, I stuffed myself with a huge Overseas lunch (1 1/2 bowls of rice and lost of char siu!) and made the unwise move to rock climb. I figured that all I needed to see me to the top was a bucketful of enthusiasm and a brand new Black Diamond Focus harness (in S may I add - yes, yes, I know it's a unisex harness but I live off cheap thrills). Yea rite - I completely bombed! I was so shit. Since then, I have slept and slept and my muscles are still aching from pushing myself too hard. Lesson learned: do not rock climb when hungover and tired. Duh! Common sense to some, big hard lesson for me.

Bee has been delving into the secrets of the past, reliving memories from her life from 5 years ago. She is a library of information with all those records shestores in the form of her diaries. She has publications that date back to when we were 12! Reading excerpts from it is normally hugely embarassing - it's a "I wore what?", " I fancied who?", " I did that?!!!" kind of experience. Not recommended unless you are ready to face your demons. Apparently she says we were "popper" than we remembered and partied in a way that was not normal for people to do. That explains why we are the old hags we are today!

I am actually looking forward to a nice normal week in the present, with work to catch up on, cheques to collect (hopefully), ZW to ferry around (would you believe I was hanging out at Kuen Cheng school at midday yesterday?!) and meals to plan. Speaking of reliving the past, this week, I am looking forward to Grease The Musical - that should be a real hoot! Flashback to teenage years dressed as Madonna singing to '50s music and falling majorly in love with Kenickie (or however you spell his name).

It's fun to relive the past no? In my frou frou state on Saturday night I noticed that Bond is planning to host a series of "nights" in August, Faces Night, Phase 2 Night. Viva Night in particular caught my eye. I wonder what music they will play then? See you there!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Invitation of the Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do
for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting
your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Definition Of You

I pose a question to you.

Is it possible, truly possible, as in have you ever experienced it yourself, to be completely happy being alone? I speak of course, with reference to being alone, romantically.

We can all be alone for a day or whatever and actually relish the silence. But if you were like me, and often hear the chatter of inner demons in my head, I know for a fact that I couldn't exist happily without my close friends and family nearby for too long. But the test has been whether I can do so without the presence of a 'significant' other. I realise that ever since I set a sail on the ship of relationships, I have never got off on a port of call. Let's get off this Love Boat imagery - what I'm saying is that since I had my first serious boyfriend at university, I've always been in a relationship. Yes, of course, I've had periouds of singledom, between boyfriends, but always in short spurts of a couple of months.

Seriously single now for significantly longer than that, it has been a test for me. I realise that I have always defined myself by the person I was attached to. Of course, the details are too personal to elaborate here, but this is something all girls ought to consider. I have friends who have not been single since they were 14 and cannot imagine being so. I wonder if they face the same dilemma as career women do when they 'retire' to raise the kids. Alone with their true selves all of a sudden, with no namecard nor name alongside yours on a party invitation to define you, who indeed are you?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

The Current Chapter

Life has been mad. I'm currently in fifth gear at the moment and if there were a sixth, I'm sure I'd rev right up. I don't know where I'm heading or where I just came from. I think the bottom half of my body is still stuck light years' away and the top half in mid-zoom to the current. See...I don't even understand what I am trying to say.

Piles of work, crazy schedules, traffic jams, bills after bills, unfiled taxes etc etc have left me constantly tired - as in, I couldn't even bring myself to watch American Idol last night cos I couldn't keep my eyes open. And I must the only Desperate Housewife fan who hasn't tuned into a single episode this season. Just when one thing is finally settled, another unexpected issue arises. It's a frenzied time and likely to be so till year end.

I suppose it's better to live a life full of activity than to live one that is empty. And empty is definitely not what my life is about. I often find myself biting my nails nervously on Sundays or when I have nothing to do. There must be something to do, something forgotten. Heck, I can't even relax in a spa! Once, I was checked in for a four-hour treatment and I practically frayed the towels on the massage bed from sheer boredom and frustration - coming from a spa writer!

The only things that keep me sane? Blogging. Cos I get to express my madness and in a way, put things in perspective at the risk of being laughed at (what a thrill!). Climbing. Wicked walls to expend my nervous energy and for the incredible adrenaline high from conquering what seemed unconquerable. Falling asleep with my son. Watching him transform from bouncing ball to sleeping dragon with silent breath and falling in love with him over and over again. Being a bimbo bitch with my friends. For comic relief, for being able to let down the mask of pretenses and for all its honesty. Everything else is a job. Everything else is something I have to do to get from where I am now to where I want to be.

But mind you, I'm not unhappy. I'm not ecstatic (as in crazy in love happy) but I am fairly happy. And life, despite its crazy madness, is a sea of emotional calm. Not still or ripple-free but definitely not in mid-tsunami like it has been! And that's always nice. To have an uneventful emotional life. My emotions are so overused they could do with a hiatus. But fingers crossed, not for too long. After all, what would life be if not a compilation of chapters filled with laughter, tears, anger, love, hate and all its cousins?