Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Writer And The World Around Her

(A celebrated novelist, yes. Nevertheless, the work of Jane Austen is universally acknowledged to be grossly insular. As Europe rages on in war, Miss Austen writes of love affairs, of pride, prejudice, sense, sensibilities and abbeys in the country, as if the ambitions of one Napoloen Bonaparte in his quest to take over the continent was occuring somewhere in the upper reaches of Northern Sumatra. Except for the peppering of a few Generals and of course, parties held by the local regiment, Miss Austen's novels are of a pretty county existing in insolation from the rest of the world. I shall not fall into the same fate with this blog and will therefore attempt to make mention of what some argue to be the most celebrated event of every four years. I thought it was the crowning of a non-South American Miss Universe, but I guess I am outnumbered in so thinking.)

I'm sitting at work. There is World Cup talk all around me. Maxis SMSes me a coded message of abbreviated lettering and numbers every morning.

Er...I just dun geddit lor...

Monday, June 26, 2006

Be Careful What You Wish For

I thought I had not posted for a couple of days and only just realised it's been a week. Time is a tornado, a vortex of blur, spiralling and spilling out of control around me, as I sit in the eye of the chaos, seemingly still, but really just out of sync with the calculation, always at awe that it twirls so fast and wondering what I have to do to catch up to speed.

I hate to sound like a cliche that my parents should take credit for, but lately I just can't help myself. Like beginning sentences with "Back in my day...", or "The music nowadays is just not what it used to be...", and especially relevant to the topic in question, "Once you hit your thirties, time really starts to fly..." I guess before I know it, I'll be sixty and celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary to God-knows-who in a ballroom wearing some sequinned number, a broccoli perm and peach lipstick.

Which reminds me of an Eliot poem I once studied at school - in the year 1990 - called The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock:

"I grow old...I grow old...
I shall wear the bottom of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach."

I still remember a conversation I had in 1989 with my two best school friends - Mary Mzumara from Malawi and Moira Buchanan from where else - Scotland with a name like that! We were wishing so hard for next year to come for then we would finally be sixth formers with our own rooms! We would be out of the baby house and in Farish with the big girls! That was what? 17 years ago! Oh God...

Take heed of what you wish for. Is it really what you want? The last time I filed my bills was not last month - it was last year. The last time I went into the pool with my son was not a few weeks ago, it was before Christmas. The last time my car was due for a service was thousands of miles ago. The last time I was at my ideal weight was not a few years ago - it was 11 years to be precise - yea, I have been on a diet for that long.

I don't believe I'm the only one who has misjudged the time. I challenge you to go on and do some calculations of your own. Take a reality check and wait for the truth to slam you right in the face!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Love! How Splendid!

Remember when you were a teen and you really really fancied someone? The boy on the same school bus, the jock with the floppy hair that everyone else had a crush on, or better still, the school head prefect?! If I had a cup of coffee for every crush I've had, I'd be just a ditzy as I am today, except with justification.

Unrequited 'love' holds such beauty. It's innocent, delicate and above all, honest.

With an impending divorce and a love life (so far) good enough to resemble the shantiest of towns, I am a cynic and a true believer of calling a spade a spade. I do believe in the concept of a soul mate, but I also believe that there can be more than one and that they do not necessarily appear in the form of a romantic other. I believe that husbands cheat on their wives at least once and that for wives, sex will eventually become a great time to ponder about what to cook for dinner. I believe that most people eventually 'exist' in relationships rather than bloom.

But alas, the ubiquitous Infatuation is like the gentle yet persistent tickle that gets you giggling at the end. It cracks any stoic face, any stony demeanour, any solid wall that refuses to let anyone in or out.

I did not think I had fallen so hard that I was unable to love again. I'm a surprisingly fast healer - just a swab of friendship and some ego-boosting massages and I'm good to go and fall in love all over again. Come what may.

So yes, I really, Really, REALLY fancy someone and it's making me giggle incessantly. Don't get me wrong, it is really quite unrequited. But there's beauty in appreciating from afar. Stealing glances behind boulders. Trying to stand out yet shirk from attention. Attempting to sound intellectual yet melting like butter at the knees. And he doesn't even know.

I'm blushing, flushing, chewing on my gum, and feeling like I'm thirteen again. And I'm loving every minute of it!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Tagged 3 : All About Me

Thanks to sweetie darling Starlight, I am saved from having to create new ideas from scratch. Honestly, not that it's a chore, but rather work is and there's much of it at the moment.

So anyway, here's a nother MeMe, "borrowed" graciously from the one and only Starlight.

The 10 things that make Rafleesia a Happy Bunny:-

1. Luxury
Call me a shallow materialistic capitalised label ho if you wish but nothing puts a genuine smile on my face faster than stepping out of a cool new Beamer in Christian Laboutin heels and a Tom Ford outfit, on to the steps of Chateau Marmont for a damn good all-expense paid meal of plenty of foie gras and a fine bottle of aged plonk.

2. Connecting with someone. I mean, really connecting. Ie. I look into your eyes, I see where you are coming from, I totally get it. And vice versa. I haven't met anyone who has blown my mind off for a while - years.

3. The house all to myself for a few hours where I can let it all hang out. Eating something sloppy with my hands in front of the telly watching something brainless like a James Bond re-run or the Best Whatever Resorts on DTA and wearing my ugliset (but comfiest) pair of shorts and a singlet ala coffee shop style.

4. Clean mornings
Sweeping aside the curtains after a night of heavy rainfall to the sight of a sparkling KL skyline with undiscovered horizons. So inspiring to do great things.

5. Rock climbing properly, rock climbing propoerly, rock climbing properly.

6. Having a great drunken DMC (deep meaningful conversation) about anything (life, the situation in the M East, the correct way of cooking moules mariniere, etc) with a random punter.
7. Embracing my inner superbitch goddess with my friends.

8. Doing good work.

9. Connecting with family members and coming to the realisation that I actually really like them. When everthing's good at home, it's good elsewhere.

10. The Great Outdoors - Sky. Earth. Awe. God. It must be.

(PS. I know it's only supposed to be ten but I can't get rid of these two cos they really bring me joy.

11. Smelling my son's head - I swear it's sooooo addictive.

12. A table creaking with food for me - this really really makes me very happy.)