Life Purpose

I knew a long time ago that my life's purpose was to experience everything under the sun. I remember sitting by my window late into the night as Casey Kasem played the 80s and just knowing that life was there to be experienced. And at that point I remember wishing for God to throw me everything he had - good or bad - as long as on my deathbed, I was able to rest knowing, first hand, what things felt like.

At that time, I was about 12 or 13 and the soap opera, Dynasty, was all the rage. I remember wanting to be like Alexis Colby - the bitch with the long list of surnames, because to me, she was someone who had it all - not just the luxuries, but someone who had the power of knowledge. And just like her character, I wanted to live life with all its ups and downs, all its highs and lows. I wanted to know.

And I guess, now, many people may look at my life and think that I have worked myself into a corner. After all, there are not many exit plans for women in their thirties who are divorced with a kid. Who would want her now? Some people look at me with pity - the girl who had so much promise, who ended up in a dead end. It does seem archaic but trust me, KL minds are filled with limited ideals and in reality, I am viewed by the population of prospective mother in laws and bird-brained Asian men as spoiled goods.

But thankfully, I don't think so. Well, I can't because I simply cannot conform to ideals based on what's on the outside. I may be heavier, less pretty and a lot less fashionable now, but I am also alot more mature, grounded and aware than I have ever been. Seen on the inside, I have so much more to say, so much more to contribute and am so much more than before.

I am grateful that I experienced a horrible time in the past. Grateful that I have done the breakups, the cheating boyfriends, the bad marriage, the divorce, the being poor and desperate, the whole out of control thing. They are by no means over, I am sure there is more to come in all forms and fancies, but I welcome them with open arms.

Because not only do I learn from them invaluable lessons, I also know that there are just as many highs to look forward to. And I have had the privelige of loving and being loved, of having choices, of experiencing the beauty of nature, of immense freedom, of priveliged luxury, of intense happiness and above all, of knowing.

And if God came to me today and asked me what I wanted, after the svelte body, the huge bank account, the God-like boyfriend and the roomful of beautiful children, I would still ask for him to throw me whatever he had - hopefully more good than bad, but still the good and the bad.