Kampung

Considering we showcase our skyscrapers off to the world and promote our city as a shopping destination, Kuala Lumpur is essentially, a self-glorified kampung. Of course, it's cooler to let on to your mat salleh friends that we have a higher flagpost than they do, as well as the largest indoor rock climbing gym in Asia. Despite our Big Apple aspirations, in reality however, we are a backwater town that somehow made it big.

KL is a city where the seven degrees of separation theory gets flushed down the drain. That's just DTA bull. In KL, within two degrees (or lesser in many cases), you are likely to have already hit an ex-crush or ex-husband or ex-whatever. For me, I discovered that the hottie that my friend and I were checking out in a club turned out to be the fat little boy I was too 'cool' to acknowledge in my early teens.

I find that the kampungness of KL is magnified in the context of romantic liaisons. Who hasn't experienced, in some variation or other, the ex who went on to date the one that was dumped by your current one who turned out to be the one who you kissed on the dance floor when you were thirteen who was the one that married the one that you dumped? Complicated? Can be. Too close for comfort? You don't say. I wouldn't be surprised that we are all related to each under a perverse family tree that morally and legally, teeters on the edge of acceptable boundaries.

It is a town in which it world serve your best interests to conduct some form of detailed research on a potential snog/shag/boyf/girlf/business partner before any part of your body (or in the case of business partner, wallet) starts grooving to their vibe. Unless you already know him/her, full biodatas including what his/her parents do/did for a living, his/her car ownership history, wealth in bank and complete list of exes including one night stands or just snogs are easily available from friends. It is a town of small social circles, all within the subsets of each other, so basically, if you have run yourself up a bad rep as a player or once upon a time had the misfortune of passing on a particular nasty STD, you can jolly well run, but you can't hide. Even if you run to the outer rings of KL, such as Perth or London, you can still be easily traced.

I recently discovered that an ex-fling is dating a girl who dated another ex fling, who also dated an ex secret admirer who's sister I had lunch with last week. Our potential conversations in my mind are not only hilarious and dangerously revealing, but also causes me to feel as if I have known her all my life.

I suppose its just one of those things that makes KL as wonderful as it is. Who would want to love in a city of strangers? Where you could date a serial killer without knowing it or worse, sleep with someone who could well be your half brother or sister and never know it.