The vampires in Bon Ton would not find me appealing

Crap. I haven't been well.

My gynaecologist declared: "You are imbalanced".

Tell me something I don't know.

You know what they say about not trusting something that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. Try 4 months.

Now I understand why my body has been so strange lately. Like how relaxing weekends away exhaust me so much I fall sick. Or why my eyes are so itchy I have to scratch (yes, scratch with like, my nails). Or why I get hot and cold flushes as if I'm 60. Or why I'm either falling asleep exhausted or insomniacally wandering the house at dawn. I think I hit the worst bit last night when, panting from the walk from the sofa to the bathroom (yes, as in short of breath), throat sore with blisters from one measly, not even nice Happy Meal, I thought I'd better have a look at the insides of my eye bags and true enough, there was no blood to be found. Not a drop. Like not even enough for a True Blood vampire to sniff me out.

Crap. I'm like the fattest anaemic person I know.

In my zombie state, I try and stay home. Rest. Chill out. Take it easy. All alien concepts of course.

So totally bored I felt the need to scare myself silly with The Shining.

Jack Nicholson is freaky but Shelly Duvall is freakier.

I'm into Rome now (yes, like 10 years behind). Lots of nudity (male and female, yay) and am spending my nights drooling over Marc Anthony. Am tempted to read Shakespeare's Anthony & Cleopatra again, seeing as that requires no physical effort except blinking and page-turning. Meanwhile, Bub and maid are getting really good at bringing me orders of juice and water. They're good slaves.

I'm sure I'm supposed to link this health dip to some sort of life lesson but the lack of blood has made me really shallow. I can't think of deep things when thinking in itself requires effort. Am far better at rattling off whatever trivia comes to mind rather then analyse the meaning of why I am imbalanced. It's a good time to take a vow of silence and eat lentils at an ashram.

So let's hope I feel better by next week. I need to be back to normal by end of this month. I move very soon and would really like to get started soon! More on that to come.