Once upon a time, I thought that when it came to bureaucacy, the legal fraternity topped the list. A paperless office? Dream on! Have you ever been in a legal office? Ever ventured beyond the classy antique-strewn receptions that portray the "I'm really into history and culture" facade into the carefully concealed depths where the lawyers and clerks sit all day churning out enough varieties of "supporting documents" to fill a library? In a world where anything you say is termed a declaration and the very being you are is statutory, you can only imagine the number of statutory declarations you can come up with. And that's just statutory declarations. Paper is not known as paper; it's known as part of the furniture.
One the things I did learn when I was a chambie, was despatch. Once, I had to deliver appeal documents to the Federal Court and it actually took four of us to do it. After climbing enough steps to rival Batu Caves, my fellow chambies and I finally relieved our aching limbs and dumped the "supporting documents" down on the floor of the Registars's office. They totalled 7 piles, each, waist high. I marvelled at our photocopying and binding expertise and wondered if anyone would read them.
But that was in another life. And believe it or not, I've discovered people who are far worse! They are known as accountants!
And I can't believe I am surrounded by them. Day in, day out, they swarm around me. On the streets near the office, their blue lanyards with the four boxes betray their outwardly normal appearances. In the lifts, their fragile frames (I reckon from lack of sunlight) are laden with laptop bags (some with three even!) and their arms fiercely hug files the size of small filing cabinets. They frantically rush out of the lifts as I rush in late, off to 'client's office, clients' office". They pretend to be stressed out but I see the proud gleam in their eyes.
They are happy in their jobs and for that, they are forgiven for being so damn enthusiastic! You know, I was told that we had a snatch theif problem outside the office and a young audit assistant was attacked on her way to work. She happily handed over her belongings due to fear of being hurt. Bye bye handbag with wallet, cell phone, boyfirend's photo, etc but when it came to the client's file, she clung on to it adamantly, What use would Snatch Thief have for it anyway? I hope the client paid us on time.
Back in my office, devoid of no one but me, I still cannot escape their dogged ways of working. I can't I suppose. It is their space and I am outnumbered! Like little ants, they and the way they work seep into your world and no matter how hard you swipe and spray, repellant in hand, there's more of them and they just keep coming at you!
Anyway, I find a wordy little memo that reads "...blah blah blah, in addition, we require Miss XXX to stay back on Friday night to handle and coordinate the press releases in respect of the Budget 2005. In this regard, kindly provide permission to Miss XXX and any other staff assigned to assist us on Friday night to return home on Friday at 12 noon. Their presence will be required at our office at 7pm." Signed off by a female Tax partner that the staff have invented enough names for to fill the filing room.
A. Why can't she just pick up the phone and save some trees?
B. If she wants to formalise it on paper, why cant she even get the dates right?
C. I reckon she secretly wants to be a kindergarten school teacher and write memos to parents for the children to be at so and so at so and so. Hello? It's a grown up world we live in now, so what's with the clock-in clock-out rule?
Urgh...on paper/on screen, I don't normally resort to sounds to replace words but I'm not well read enough to know a word to describe how I feel right now towards this woman, this profession, this job.
Oh God, please grant me my wish and land a hefty sum of money on my lap so I can retire from offices of any nature except of the home variety or unless owned by me, as soon as possible! Please provide the fodder for my malnourished brain to chew on so that I may be inspired to make millions and get the hell out of here! I am not asking for much, just a stack of cash and a brilliant idea - which I can develop into my brainchild and go on to make my excesses. Please, thank you, thank you, thank you.
You know, the more I write in this blog, the madder I am convinced I am getting.
I am now apprpriately inspired to go and think more about The IDEA.
No comments:
Post a Comment