Monday, February 28, 2011

Fat Ass

I know I'm not supposed to be here but just wanted to say one last thing.

Let me begin by announcing just how grossed out I feel.

I've not stepped inside a gym for over a year now (did I mention I live right opposite one?) except for that one time a few weeks ago when I attempted to cancel my membership. Then a cute guy told me not to and I totally caved, hence I still pay RM170 a month for nothing and the fact remains that I still haven't worked out in over a year.

Secondly, I've been eating every meal as if it's Christmas lunch. Christmas 2010 itself was a mad frenzy of roasted carcasses and token vegetables, then Sri Lanka was a trip down a never ending buffet line (3 buffet meals a day!). Back home it was catch up on Chinese New Year feasting with "get-together" banquets back to back. Honestly, how is it a "reunion" when we see each other all the time anyway? It really falls hard on people like mw who have more than one family, several groups of friends and work in PR for a living. Then came this stupid Beef Wellington crusade I embarked myself on, just 'cos I have an oven now and feel the need to hold a bake off (against myself!) with pizzas and pastries and scones etc etc too much! too much!

I'm a self-confessed glutton but honestly I can feel, feel my skin stretching to accomodate the additional content. Right now, as I type, I'm actually taking shallower breaths, because my diaphragm will surely pop otherwise. I am not exaggerating.

The last straw was last night. RM30 all you can eat Korean stone BBQ and steamboat.

Fark, I wasn't even hungry to begin with (having had dim sum for lunch, Belgian fries with aioli at Ben's for tea, and a pastry visit to Lavein for fun). But shit who can deny human nature when there are rows of food for the picking and a bargain to be had.

The food wasn't bad per se, but there's something so carnal about raw meat lyng around and all that grabbing and cooking and stuffing. And after I'd stuffed myself so full that I had to stand (as sitting actually hurt - I swear I had to stand with my hands on the table and lean forward, but not too much as to induce a reversal of food flow down my trachea), I felt so so disgusted. Suddenly the smell of burning meat and the flies were overwhelming and I just had to get out of there, except my friends had just got more live prawns to throw into the boiling soup.

When we finally got to paying at the counter, I saw two things that really did it in for me. Firstly an aquarium filled (and I mean packed) with frogs (you know those edible ones Chinese people just can't seem to get enough of: directly translated they are known as "paddy field chickens" - ya rite!). They were all clamouring against each other for air - all uniformly looking heaven-ward as if performing their own last rites instinctively knowing the end was imminent. Then, someone made an order for two and the waiter pulled out two frogs and one by one, held their legs in his hand and slammed their heads on the edge of the aquarium before skinning them and cutting them up for dunking into hot, sweet soup.

Oh Lord, am I never ever going back there again!

I'm so grossed out by myself and all the food that I've eaten that my humble slice of rye bread this morning looked suspiciously like a slice of rib eye. You know what they say about abusive relationships. That sometimes you have to sink to your lowest before you find the strength to say "enough is enough" and get out. Well, in my case, I'm pretty sure I'm sunk (from sheer weight) - the year is almost closing its 1st trimester and it's time to work out, eat healthily and buy lots of makeup in time for the year-end parties!

PS. My bikini is actually too tight now :( and it's Lycra...!

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