Re: Parents

I just realised that for the first time in many many years, things have actually been going well between me and my parents. Somehow, the stifled angst for whatever they did or did not do has sneakily uncurled from my store of 'wrong done to me ' and dissipated into thin air. Where did it go? How did I resolve them? I don't know. All I know is that it vanished and I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with the cantakerous old biddies I call my parents!

I guess we all have our issues with our Mums and Dads. Mine weren't conventional in their choices but I actually think that enriched my life rather than handicap it. Sure, there was a lot of pain and confusion in the past. Endless fits of rage and tears as I wished and wished I had been born into another family.

In the small town outlook of this supposed metropolis I live in, my upbringing appeared dysfunctional to say the least. So Mum and Dad didn't live under the same roof, there were these additional parent figures and of course all those rumours that sad people who have no lives of their own still speak of today. Believe it or not, I have been asked the strangest questions.

To the judgemental majority, it was no environment to raise a child in.

"Poor girl, she is the way she is because she's the product of a broken home".

Jeez. So many comments to make about that.

Firstly, that word 'broken home' totally sucks. It sucks also that I have to point it out. Having to explain the issue I have with it is like having to explain to a white person that I am not 'coloured'.


Secondly, I think people like to categorise. To fit people and situations into stereotypes and piegeon hole them 'cos then it becomes simple and convenient to deal with. I'd like to remind those who have forgotten, that both my parents went on to become part of long-lasting and what I would term 'successful' relationships. If perhaps not at first, they certainly have now. If that's not a lesson (or several lessons) in what works and what doesn't, I don't know what it is.

My parents made their mistakes but I can see now that I am the fortunate one. I've had the fortitude to witness the real deal in the making rather than live through a poor imitation stuck under the same roof "together because of the children".

So here I am defending my parents. Who would have thought.

My family and I have always lead independant lives. They did their thing and I did mine. I was left to my own devices at a very young age. It was easy to lie and pretend I was at over at so-and-so's place when really, I was out clubbing as young as thriteen. And believe it or not, I never ran off with random men (a prude then and a prude now), never took any drugs and certainly never got mindlessly drunk - I left those past-times for university.

It's my independance that has allowed me to weather many storms and it's something I totally enourage of my son. It puts your life in perspective and gives you the courage to live it. I thank my parents for it - from allowing me to leave home in ridiculous Madonna outfits to fully supporting me through bigger mistakes I have made in adult life.

I think what makes it the sweetest thing is that though my parents have given me the full freedom to live my life, and though I may have flown the coop on several ocassions; at the end of a long journey, I just want to hang out with them. Maybe its the Asian in me or maybe they're just way too cool to resist, but I cannot imagine not being close to them -physically and emotionally.

And I think that this coming to peace with them has actually settled a feeling of restlessness. It's not just that it's one less issue to thnk about. It's a feeling that, here comes the cliche again, that though everyday life is so mundane and so incredibly uninspiring sometimes (no man, no money, no dreams, ex boyfriend hates you, hate boss, etc etc), there is still love. Two people (or maybe four people) out there still think you're the puppy.