You know there are times in life when you sense that things are going to change suddenly and that they are going to change forever. Its just a sense of foreboding. A need to hang on tight to the present because you know that even though people tell you life is never static, you brace yourself. For the carpet is about to be swept up from beneath your feet. In ways you least expect it. When you least expect it.
The last time that happened, my grandfather died. In the middle of the night when we were on holiday in Penang, fast asleep in our E&O beds, the call came through. And Mum cried all the way back on the plane behind her sunglasses; her sniffs and balled-up tissue the only giveaways.
Another time was when my boyfriend dumped me. The one that I thought would never ever leave me. Some say, I should have seen that one coming anyway.
Lately, thoughts have been creeping into my head again. Strong urges to hold on for dear life and savour what I can, when I can.
It's been a strange week, filled with incidents that seem like an obligatory prelude to the real thing.
The week began with the discovery that my uncle is getting divorced for the third time. That his son of 15 is really pleased cos the wife (about to be ex) had 'issues' with her husband having kids from a previous marriage and also because my uncle's new girlfriend is only three years older than him. Him meaning my uncle's son, my cousin. Which makes her 18.
An old friend came over for coffee yesterday. And she broke the news to me that she is a bisexual and has been involved in a same sex relationship for the last three years.
Today, an ex colleague calls me at work. Last time we spoke (about six months ago), she was involved with a married man and life was going nowhere. Today, she tells me she is now a mother of a three-year old boy that she bought from somewhere up North, has moved back home with her parents and has just started seeing a colleague from work.
Not that 40 year old men going out with 18 year old girls is anything new. Or lesbians or single mothers for that matter. It's just the suddenness of it all.
It hit me hard that things are never what they seem. And how much our lives are based on Perception.
It almost mocks the institutions of Truth, Faith and Love. That they can be so easily swayed by Perception. Just look at life differently, change the angle, adjust the lenses and the erect pillars that hold up Truth, Faith and Love bend and sway according to how you want them.
What a farce.
And I believe my perceptions are about to change. Again. Very suddenly. Not necessarily for better or worse, but change is imminent.
For added drama, the crows have begun to crow.
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