Bye Bye

Yesterday, I made a decision to say goodbye to an old friend. An association that we had both long outgrown. Holding on was not only pointless, it was soul-depleting. It is a load I can no longer drag, an idea I can no longer justify.

In my twenties, I set out to meet as many people as I could, to garner as many friends in my (then) imaginary Facebook list. At bars, at parties, at the beach, when I travelled. But here in my thirties, jet-lagged and spent from too many nights of downloaded TV, I am sold to the idea that while one spends their twenties furiously acquiring friends, the thirties are spent sifting through and picking out the viable from the not.

The separate-lives friends, the party acquaintances, the friends you keep at arm's lengths for various reasons, the friends you deem no longer worthy, the ones whom you love but have to get rid of in order to embrace the future (not unlike 80s pink legwarmers).

I have come to believe that getting rid of friends who have not only outworn their use but who's presence has become poisonous, is just like a spring clean. It is immensely detoxifying on a spiritual level. There is no dramatic burning of letters, throwing out of belongings or the meaningful handshake (after all, who needs the added drama in thier 30s?) - just a firm mental note that changes your outlook more than anything else. There is no need to say goodbye outwardly but there is a definite need to do so inside.

This a friend who meant the world to me once upon a time. Saying goodbye to this person (and the idea of this person) is hard. Maybe that is why it has been so long in coming. I barely scrape by with my knowledge of religion but I do know that life is suffering. The four truths — not one — about life: There is suffering, there is a cause for suffering, there is an end of suffering, and there is a path of practice that puts an end to suffering.

I am enlightened in my unsurpressible need to live. To truly engulf myself in the feeling of fullness and vitality. Life consumes me with all its wonder. Whether I am on top of a ski slope or at the bottom of a rock I am about to climb, there is a moment when my heaven and earth are moved by the enormity and wonder of life. I kid not, and for once, I exaggerate not. I realise, despite its cliche, that life at every twist, its every segment, its very juice, is meant to be savoured, like a great big custard apple.

A found a little inspiration on MTV. Jason Mraz was skateboarding and jumping off waterfalls in Central America and opening his heart to love. In a way, by saying goodbye, I choose freedom and I choose, love.

"So, I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait I'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spendin' way too long
checkin' my tongue in the mirror and
bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass and
so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm a sayin' is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do our name is our virtue

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me I
love one big family
It's our god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved"

Eeek...

Managed to move a household in a week. Never felt so tired in my life except maybe after that climb in the Batman Caves in Kuching after a huge night.

Walked into the office today, collapsed onto the floor and woke up 45 minutes later.

Oh God, I'm old.

PS. The pork thing...suspended temporarily. Proper nutrition is way more important than a man.

PPS. Dying to watch SATC: The Movie

PPS. Kungfu Panda was one of my highlights last week